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The Serious Side of Fake EMails

Well, Not Really

Actually, it’s just a couple of reasonably funny videos looking at Scam EMails from a lighter side. I hope you enjoy this Saturday’s interlude with humor…

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I am Jon, and I’m going for a walk.

Thanks to GeeksAreSexy.

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August 9th, 2008 Posted by Jon | Fake EMails, Fun Stuff | Leave a Comment

Fake Alltel Customer Service Response EMail

Image via WikipediaAlltel’s Got A Bot Named Johnathan

It’s not a walking robot like Asimo or Robbie the Robot, but it’s a bot nonetheless. I received an email from it this afternoon. It was a response to the email I sent to Alltel online customer service yesterday.

Bottom line: They could give a crap.

So I’m publishing the email here. Since the bot keeps trying throughout to convince me that it’s a person who really cares, I decided to add it to my Fake EMail series. In a strict sense, it is a scam: a robot trying to impersonate a human. As usual, Scam Flags are BOLD. Enjoy…

1. Unfortunately, our Email Response Team is not equipped to address Pricing and Purchase Order inquiries.

Then why is it an option on your drop down menu? Why are you making your customers waste their time with something you already know doesn’t work? Why, in fact, did you design it that way to begin with, except with the EXPLICIT PURPOSE of wasting your customers’ time?

2. contacting either our Sales Activation Center at 1-866-Alltel-7, or visiting an Alltel Retail Store

Had a real person named ‘Johnathan’ actually read my questions, he would know that my problem is specifically with the retail store, is about the adapter, and that my phone is dead. This just reeks of a software program responding to my initial plea for help. Yet throughout the email, it refers to itself as “I”.

3. However, in order to provide equality and consistency, certain practices and procedures have been implemented to maintain our goals as a company and our commitments to you as the customer.

In other words: You value your customer base, HOWEVER, you’re not really going to do anything to help me because of some mysterious and unnamed procedures. Like charging more than twice as much as advertised… that’s some real equality there. And don’t get me started on consistency!

4. as we work towards a resolution

In case somebody has missed the point, this email is telling me that they are not equipped to help, have procedures which prevent them from helping, and if this thing is going to be resolved at all, it is I alone who will have to do the work to resolve it.

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Needless to say, there were no grammatical errors. But the contextual relevance to my original email was completely lacking. There was no relevance at all. Telling me to go to the retail store or call on my phone proves that no Alltel-employed human knows of my predicament (with the exception of the rude guy with the more-than-doubled prices at the Alltel store).

So what do you guys think? Stay with Alltel? They have the some of the best coverage ’round these parts. But Nextel is probably just as good. What do you guys think?

I am Jon, and I am curious…

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July 3rd, 2008 Posted by Jon | Fake EMails | 3 comments

Fake Royal Bank of Scotland EMail

Image via WikipediaTime For A Quickie

These guys are short and to the point. I guess they figured the fewer the words, the fewer chances to mess it all up. They’ve got a great subject line for the email. When I first saw it, I just felt bad. Then I realized I don’t have an account at Royal Bank of Scotland. And I noticed that the thing was addressed to our old friend chatika-ads at right here dot net.

Here it is. As usual, I BOLDED the Scam Flags. Since it’s so short, I’m just going to save my comments for the brief summary at the bottom. Read along:

The image “http://www.rbs.co.uk/images/logo-hp.gif” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors. (I know I said I was saving my comments but if your emails always automatically show images in your emails, you’re just asking for trouble eventually. Hiding a trojan in a .gif picture is an old trick now. Make sure you have to click some button to show the pics. Now, back to the scam, already in progress…)

Dear customer,

Your access to Online Services has been suspended. Due to a miss-match access code between your Security information. To enable you continue accessing your online account it will only take you few minutes to re-activate your account. Click on the link below and you will be taken straight to where you can activate your account.

http://www.rbs.co.uk/

Important Notice:- You are strictly advised to match your Security information rightly to avoid service suspension.

Thank You.
Royal Bank of Scotland Customer Services.

If my bank is suspending my account, I’d expect to be addressed by name, not as ‘Dear customer’. Then follows the spelling errors, lack of understanding about such simple things as capitalization, prepositional phrases and general sentence structure. Surprisingly, even though there are only 4 sentences in the main paragraph, we find 6 errors in grammar, one incorrectly developed sentence, and evidence of fraud. The link says rbs.co.uk but the link is mapped to take you to http://caraghjdjdhlavela.com/components/com_expose/ (I’ve changed a few of those letters, so don’t bother).

Well, at least they tried, right? These guys will never get it right though. Don’t fall for it.

I am Jon, descendent of at least one Scot.

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June 21st, 2008 Posted by Jon | Fake EMails | Leave a Comment